The years do fly by! Here I am in sunny Florida enjoying retirement. Never really believed it would happen. So many turns and changes and life. So what really matters? The people you love. Family. Kindness. Humility. Learning. There was a time I would have had a much larger list but now I see things a bit clearer...maybe clearer isn't accurate as my eyesight isn't what it was. Maybe I can fly over my past life and see the trends from 50,000 feet. The worn paths, the bending grass, the worn spots where nothing grows, the thick greens heavy with mist. I can rattle off 10 year chunks of my life- 60 plus - without much thought. Kids are a great place marker in life events. Moved from there very pregnant with twins. Lived in that house for 10 years. Build new, celebrated Y2K (remember that?) after a few weeks in the new place. I can see the kids wearing tee shirts that were 10 sizes too big (and nothing else) popping noisemakers as midnight ball drops were on the TV. I see the shoe piles at the front door from church youth group. All those kids and I loved every minute. I can see all the mistakes I made navigating the trouble at the church. I was ill equipped for the situation and unfortunately paid a big price for taking sides and being too involved. Not saying I was innocent, not at all. Just not aware of the breadth and seriousness that would fall. Someday I'll write a book about it. On the other hand, I think it's best left in the past. Why bring up all of that. I was on my knees to survive. Sometimes things don't have to be reconciled. Just left alone. I can do that. I have moved on as I was forgiven for my part, and I forgave others for theirs.
I can see the shock of the job loss and the home sale with all the things on the driveway. The people with piles of my treasures offering a quarter, a dollar, a dime. I took the coins from their hands too numb to feel anything but gratitude. Less to move, less to pay, less to take to the next life chapter. My only anchors were Jesus and the great power of gravity. I might be up in the air now, but I will land. Don't know when, don't know where. So clueless if this was any of the right things to do. It was all we could do was walk blindly through and hope for redemption.
And we did find it, indirectly. Ended up in Virginia. Build a new house of dreams, filled it with all things I felt I had lost and lived there 10 years. Then COVID. I loved my job with the navy and found meaning and joy with each patient. I loved it like I loved those kids in the youth group. They were pure joy. The music, the laughter, the food that appeared out of everywhere and nowhere. Like fishes and loaves. Anyway, the navy kids were mostly young, homesick and fearful of my sharp tools. As gentle as possible I tried to help them get healthier. But after 11 years COVID required what I just couldn't bring myself to endure, The shots made no sense, no science could back up the complete gamble it appeared to offer. I was devastated but understanding when 2 of my 3 kids had been punctured and I could only offer prayer. Adults make their own decisions.
So I retired and thought we would find the things we wanted to do that didn't pay. Our daughter's boyfriend (fiancé/son in law) had two strokes from the vax and nearly died. We stayed in Virginia and helped get him to rehab and pray for healing. Two years we stayed, a baby came (a delight to my heart!) and then it was leave or stay forever. We found a home and moved to Florida. The pool is still under construction and we'll soon be going back to visit those 3 grand babies and the beautiful kids who birthed them. Time just moves, like it's the job. Ha! I've spent an hour here. Time to get busy on sewing projects.
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